Yes my blog name has changed. Yes there is a reason I have been MIA. Yes, this blog will provide insight to both of those things.
On a personal level, my life has transitioned drastically in the last 6 months. Change is scary, challenging, but in my experience, nothing worthwhile comes “easy”. Over the last three years, health became my number one priority. I no longer made excuses, didn’t give myself a “break” and although I struggled more times than I can count, I never ever gave up on myself. In three years I lost 120 pounds, transformed my cooking/eating habits, gained new friends, hobbies, and perspectives. Most importantly, I formed a new-found love and respect for myself; I became a very different person- I created a whole new way of living.
This change created a rift for me for some time. I was desperately trying to hold on to what I knew and understood to be “safe”- to my “former” life. Sometimes, when drastic change takes place in your life, that can’t happen. I felt paralyzed, unable to move forward with my journey because I still had a foot in the past, afraid to move forward because of the consequences surrounding it. For friends and those that have followed my journey, you have read posts that included my partner. Months ago, we made the decision to separate. As difficult and sad of a time as it was, it was ultimately necessary for both of our happiness. The truth is, as we age and our lives develop we change as people. I have discovered that most are afraid to admit that change and growth that occurs often molds us to be different- in a way that no longer satisfies relationships we began earlier in life. There is no doubt that my lifestyle transformation contributed to this; I am different. We were different. Things had changed. Change is scary… but change is exhilarating.
The adjustment was daunting. The one beacon in my life during that time was my health. It was something I had complete control over; I could regulate when I trained at the gym, what food I would consume, how hard I pushed myself. I immersed myself in this- it became my sanctuary. I leaned on friends and family for support during the tough times, but never lost sight of my priorities and goals. My personal fitness became my fail-safe.
And THAT is when I realized that I had finally made it to the other side. For the first time in my life I wasn’t using life’s circumstances (positive or negative), a busy schedule, or anyone else as an “excuse”. I narrowed my focus to improve on myself in the gym because it is what provided the greatest solace. I recognized that I was responsible for me and my progress. The old Erika would have used this as an excuse to eat poorly, rely on food to get her through the trying times, and give up. This realization was monumental- I have had control all along.
Life can alter drastically all around you- sometimes completely out of your control. You have to hold onto what you CAN regulate. Your health is something you will always have influence over. Fitness is a journey. Gaining control of your health is a quest. I strongly believe that you will conquer the quest the moment you acknowledge and accept that the journey will never end. There is always something new to learn: from correcting and perfecting your form, new routines, perspectives, etc. More importantly, we never stop learning about ourselves because we are in constant motion; ever-changing.
My trainer opened his own strength and conditioning gym: Mustache Fitness and Barbell; a very personal, intimate, and innovative space. It became my refuge. His back wall is perhaps the most unique element to the facility because he has invited members to “make their mark” and write statements that motivate or resonate. After our first session together in the new space following his opening, he handed me a marker and told me I wasn’t allowed to leave until I made my mark. A minute later, I wrote something personal- something I would see every day that would remind me of what I have overcome and where I want to be:
This, as you may have guessed, is how my new tagline was generated. It is my belief that we must move past and conquer our fear in order to gain what we want most. For the longest time, I feared change. The moment I refused to let that fear control my life, I felt free. What’s more? I’m happy. The change that I feared so intensely has ultimately been the key to a level of “living” I didn’t think possible.
Phew. Now that all that tough emotional junk is out of the way- I’m excited to start sharing all of the new things I have been up to: from bouncing back from an injury, experiences in physical therapy, the new gym, preparing for a power-lifting competition, the list is growing! Stay Tuned!
