Just a few short years ago, I was a different person. I had 120 pounds of extra weight on my body, spending most every day wishing and wanting to be someone different. Always the ‘big’ girl in every circle with a personality loud enough to drown out the shame and defeat I suffered each time I looked in the mirror.

Experiencing childhood trauma effects people in many different ways- after losing my mother to cancer at a very young age, food became my comfort. I lived every day in fear expecting the same fate as my mother: breast cancer diagnosis at 23, life ending at age 32. I spent the first 20+ years of my life eating highly processed foods, crash dieting, and hating my body. I thought that making myself smaller or learning to be “healthy” would bring my heart into balance. I believed a lower number on the scale would improve myself worth for good.

In 2013, I developed photos from a recent vacation and I couldn’t recognize the woman in the pictures. I was 281 pounds. The majority of my meals were from a drive-thru window or from a package. I had not owned a scale or full length mirror in years. Underneath the blanket of denial, I had given up on myself. Within a few days, I gathered the courage to walk into a gym for guidance. I didn’t expect much of myself at first. In truth, I chose the gym because at $10/month I would not feel guilty when I inevitably gave up on myself. But this time… I didn’t. In one session with a trainer, I felt a shift. I knew that he believed in me and I still didn’t believe in myself. How could an almost-stranger see something in me that I didn’t even know existed? This realization gave me the strength to begin ‘choosing’ me. With every small habit change, I began to choose myself a little more. This sounds like the beginning to a happy ending, doesn’t it? Hate to disappoint, but it isn’t; no journey is linear.

I remember being tired of starting over, desperate for change. I remember the mountain of change feeling overwhelming and impossible. I used to be the girl looking at transformation photos for inspiration, hoping that one might speak to me and help to change my life. Instead, it started with a stranger believing in me so that I could begin the journey of believing in myself. It evolved into a tiresome search for meaning and value everywhere outside of myself before curiosity brought me back home to my body.

Happiness is not on the other side of your obstacle like a prize waiting to be claimed. It isn’t meant to be found, but built. It’s built along the way with every small choice you make, your habits, the humans you surround yourself with. Transformation is so much more than an idea of who you ‘should’ be or a number on the scale. You do not have to live in fear, accepting disease as fate because it “runs in the family”. Your genes do not define you; your habits do. You have the power to start over and be reborn every day that you want to be.

You are capable of spectacular things.

I am here to help you embrace your power, discover tools to evolve your life, and empower you to live a radiant life with whatever destination you choose.

Today, I am not perfect… I am a process. Like you, I am on a journey to maintain balance in my life and body. The process continues every day, because our bodies are always evolving. I am not ashamed or afraid of my struggle or failures because it helps me to connect with you.